Love is……….
09.05.10
Wayne Austin
1 John 4:7-16
Today the men of our church have in our own way, tried to honour the women of our church by giving them a complete break from duties - and trying to treat you. The DVD "Men and Church" showed how men sometimes struggle in a church setting. The fact women and men seem to be so different would make it seem quite remarkable that we can exist together. Sometimes our differences seem such that it can only be of God for it to actually work. And of course it is of God. We read in Genesis 2:18……The Lord God said, "It is not right for man to be alone. I will make a helper as his partner." (NRSV) - A partner for him. God made us to partner each other. Women and men are not meant to compete with each other - but are meant to complement each other's attributes and abilities - in partnership.
We hear so much of where this is not the case - the lack of respect of men for women - the abuse - and so on. And I have become so aware of this from visiting Arohata Women's Prison where there is case after case of women either abused from very early on by family members or partners, or where males just dominate their lives. They have often never been able to be their own person. So much so that it is normal life for them, they don't know anything different. And so it is often unfortunately so inevitable they are going to end up doing what they have done, and end up where they have ended up.
But I don't want to pass it off as just being those worst case scenarios. We all have our self interest that gets in the way if we are honest - don't we? We all like to have things our way at times. But that isn't God's way. God's way is love, and as Phillip read from I John, such selfish thinking is not how John describes love. The way he describes it is that it can only be selfless.
Jesus said everything hangs on love. Read Matt. 22:35-40. Quite simply, Jesus said - if we love God and love our neighbour then everything else falls into place. Rather than worrying about what we shouldn't do, we need to focus on what we should do - on helping with the needs of others, and that means to LOVE them!
Mothers are a wonderful example to us all of love. A number of those quotations in the Wine Press comment are so true aren't they? I love the one about mothers still worrying about their middle aged children hoping for signs of improvement! But how true that is isn't it? When our daughters got married I quite easily handed over responsibility of them to their husbands - and our son to the care of his wife. No problem. It doesn't mean I don't love them or care about them. But Bronwyn's love for them is somehow different - whether it is deeper or what it is, I am not sure. But somehow it is different. In my mere male status I struggle to describe that mother's love. But I am sure you know what I am trying to say. A mother's love…………
Again from Arohata Prison experiences, it is very interesting for me to see how much the mothers there love their children. One might expect that to be surprising perhaps, because of the fact they have ended up in prison. But, as I said some of the women come from pretty rubbish backgrounds, but for vast majority of the mothers there - their love for their children is just as real and deep as any mother's. Generally their deepest concern about being in prison is for their children and the effect their imprisonment will have on them. There was even a really sad case recently where the 18 year old daughter of one of the inmates ended up in Arohata too - incredibly sad. They were in separate wings of the prison, but they were both allowed to come to the monthly service we took. They were so excited to see each other. There was genuine love of mother for daughter, and daughter for mother. Another case involved the mother of an inmate who was about to be released. The mother gave up everything to move to another town so her daughter could live with her there and start a new life away from the influences that had dragged her down. And the daughter couldn't believe that her mother would do that just for her. The love of a mother………
So no matter what their children have done, or will do, mothers love with that unconditional love - love that isn’t seeking anything in return, but is outward focused for the benefit of the other and not for self. It is the kind of love that Jesus talks about.
At this point, as the DVD told us, the men need a little attention span break. We are going to take a short break. I want you to think about what it is that stands out for you of your mother's affect on you - something that you will always remember her positively for. And you may like to share it with the person next to you.
I won't get you to share your memories with all of us, but I will share a couple of mine of my mother. 2 or 3 years ago I came across a passage in 2 Tim.1:3-5. That really resonated with me - the reference to Timothy's mother and grandmother. Because the way Paul described them sounded exactly like my mother and her mother. It's quite surprising really because I never actually met my grandmother. She died the year before I was born. But she was always spoken of with such respect and warmth as a wonderful Christian woman and mother. She sounded so similar to my mother that I almost felt I did know her. My mother was the gentlest of people - very quiet - she never liked the limelight. She often said how guilty she felt at not speaking out more about her faith. But her life was a living testimony to that faith. And she certainly made clear the Christian principles she believed in and lived by. If she was alive today and able to do the gifting course we are running in a couple of weeks, I believe her gifts would show up clearly as faith and intercession, or prayer for others. And those are two things that really stand out for me about her. There have been times in my life when, if it wasn't for the clear picture in my mind of my mother's, and my father's, faith in God I may have slipped completely away from the church. That I didn't was not out of fear of what my parents might say. Rather it was because their faith was so strong I figured there must really be something to it. And the prayer aspect - I know that every day my mother prayed for my sister and brother and me, and later for Bronwyn too in our marriage, and later again for our children. The knowledge that someone loves you enough to do that and really wants the best for you is very humbling and very special. So I have always felt privileged to have such a wonderful Godly heritage as Timothy did - with my mother and grandmother.
Such people leave with a real challenge though - for us to give those nearest and dearest to us something of real worth - because it is not just the mothers who are capable of such love. All of us should be too, such that we will have a positive effect on others. I wonder………what is it that you would like to be known and respected for by those close to you? Another short break for the men! Again take time to think about that. What is it that is really important for you to be known by - that will be very special for someone?
Whatever the positive things we remember others for, or the things we would like to be remembered for as contributing positively to the lives of others, there is a common denominator about them. That common denominator is that of being others centred in order to make a life changing impact on people. If the person giving out does it for self gain, then the positive impact would not be made because it was being sent in the wrong direction - inward and not outward. And that is the only direction of true love - outwards. It is what defines love - God's way.
In the bible, love has three different Greek words of origin, with 3 different meanings:
Phileo - the love of friendship
Eros - is a self gain type of love
Agape - is sacrificial love - it longs to give
Eros - is egocentric love
Agape - is unselfish love - and seeks nothing for itself
Eros - seeks to gain its life
Agape - seeks to give life
Eros - is the will to get and possess
Agape - is the will to distribute and dispense
The love referred to in the reading from 1 John 4 is clearly agape - love that is outwardly directional - always giving - sacrificial - refer to verses 9-10.
And that is the character of God - agape love. Verse 8 is not only telling us that God is loving, or that he has love. It says much, much more. It says that God IS love! Love is the reason for God's existence. He designed and created the universe to operate in unity and harmony, and the only possible way that can happen is when love rules - not power - not selfishness - but love. Remember what Jesus said about the greatest commandment - if we love God and love our neighbour then everything else falls into place, and none of the other laws are needed.
Selwyn Hughes uses this illustration to explain the text "God is love". He says:
If you take the love out of an angel, what do you have left? A devil.
If you take the love out of a human being, what do you have left? A sinner.
If you take the love out of God, what do you have left? Nothing - because God IS love.
How does this work out for us? Our experience and appreciation of God's love for us must be such that love must be the controlling force of our mind flowing from the love of God in our heart. When we fully appreciate that in love God SENT his son to die (he didn't just let him die - he sent him to die) so that we might have eternal life because he loved us so much When we fully appreciate that - then we can begin to understand what agape love is. That is the God type love - totally unselfish. When we get to that understanding and appreciation, then our love will be aligned with the love of God and then we will see the fruit of our sacrificial love. It doesn't come about by seeking the fruit. It comes about by giving.
What are the essential elements of love? How will it be evidenced? 1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter. It was written not for people "in love", but to instruct members of the church how to treat each other. But it still is applicable to all aspects of life. It is a lovely way of describing love isn't? But if you think about the necessary qualities of love as described it should be also immensely challenging. How many of them can we honestly own up to living out I wonder???
Let us look at some of the verses on the screen. This time with the word 'love' replaced with 'I'.
I am patient, I am kind.
I do not envy, I do not boast, I am not proud.
I am not rude, I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs.
I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth.
I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
That is what love is. And it can only possibly happen when it flows out from the love of God in our hearts, as we read in 1 John 4:11-12.
The challenge I leave is………can your life be, can my life be………love is……...?
